Well, I’m sorry for not writing here for a very very long time. I have gone through various things in my lifetime and I felt that if I didn’t let everything go I wouldn’t be able to handle everything that went on.
To start off, I had a family tragedy. My grandfather died on Sunday, November 11, 2008. The cause was a lot of things actually. It was combination of cancer, dehydration, and in the end it was his heart that gave out. You know, I’m sad it happened but I know that it was probably the best thing for him. I mean, for the last couple of months it was always a problem with this or that. As a man at his age, and condition his death finally put him out of his misery, both physical and mental.
What saddens me the most is that I knew he was getting dehydrated and I did nothing for him. I just did absolutely nothing to help his condition. I only made it worse by giving him soda and juice and every other thing that I knew was bad for him.
The thing that makes me cry the most is that I never got to say good bye. To start, ever since my grandpa moved back into his house, he started to come up for dinner. The reason being that my aunt who lived with him doesn’t cook so well. Every time he came to eat, my mother made me eat with him. I would, knowing that it was for my grandpa and it was okay to spend a little bit of time from my life to do so. One thing was that I was always the one at the dinner table until he was ready to leave the table. I would end up sitting at the table for about two hours each night just to keep him company. Even if I was in the middle of an essay or report or something. Except the last time he came up; I told myself that my schedule was more important, and I can’t be stuck at that table with him. I needed to get my things done and I couldn’t waste time. So I didn’t eat with him… I sat in front of the TV. Then when he left, I didn’t get a hug.
It hurt, knowing that I did not spend that last dinner with him, and that I did not get a hug. It made me cry….
After his death, I took the most of the week off except Friday because I had an Economics test. It helped hot having to deal with any of the daily hum bug that I would have had to deal with. I knew that if I had to deal with everyone else that I would surely not get over my grandpa’s death. Yes he was always school first but if I didn’t, I would have ended up grieving for almost four years like my grandma’s death. Which I finally got over last year. Now I feel better though. His funeral is on Thursday November 29th, 2008. Which might be another landmark moment for me, because my mother forced me to be a pole barer.
I decided that that would be my last act of service to my grandpa. Wish me luck, and pray for my strength.