Its funny how the world turns. Today my mother came and asked me about the college thing once again, and it evolved from a simple question to a bunch of swearing from my mouth.

I told her that I honestly didn’t think that my father was going to pay for my college, and that I didn’t want to do all the work that we did last year, and then end up doing nothing again. I also told her to stop filling my head with bullshit like she did last school year. Telling me that I could go away to college this upcoming year.

I explained the whole ordeal that I didn’t like the fact that she said all this stuff, and then said “oh oh, wait we better not do that anymore” and how I really looked foreward to the ordeal but that pissed me off. I told her that if we didn’t have money let me know, and stop feeding me bullshit to make me feel better. Her explanation was that she was trying to save money, and I told her: “If we don’t have money, let me know! Don’t keep telling me stuff and letting me end up with nothing.”

I also told her that I honestly didn’t think that her husband was going to pay for it. And she said that he honestly said he was, and that the last time he didn’t understand the situation. I asked her if she twisted his arm to make him say he’ll pay for it. She said she didn’t think so. Though knowing my father he’s one to agree and then say that he never said anything like that or try to wiggle out of something.

I honestly don’t think he’s going to pay for my college on top of the new house thing. He’s so tight on his money, I think we are going to end up in the same ordeal as we did last time.

After I basically yelled at my mother, she still said that she was going to try and get the ball rolling for me to go away to college. I don’t think that she really understood me. I guess she is trying, but I still don’t think she is on my level…..

It’s pissing me off that she is pushing the issue once again though, because we spent a lot of time last year to end up with nothing, and this time around I really don’t want to go through that again. I told her that and yet she was still persistant.

Its like, save me the agony and stop playing with my feelings. So I told her as she left: “Let me know if I’m going to stay here now and don’t feed me a bunch of bullshit”

Was I wrong to saw all that stuff? I mean, naturally one can get mad when they have been let down so many times. Last year, the fact that I couldn’t go away to college pissed me off and I was so mad at everything because I felt that I deserved it, but I couldn’t have it because of a dumbass….

Just the dissappointment that I felt in myself, crippled me mentally because I didn’t know how to cope with the situation. It felt so unfair, because I worked so hard to get myself to that point, and it felt like I worked for nothing.

Since I’m trying to protect myself from that situation again, am I wrong?