After countless hours working at a job, doing homework, and attending college I still cant believe it. Even though I only work from 2-4 everyday, and do homework, and attend school I still CANNOT complete the things that I want to do.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. All I want to do, is have fun and breathe a little. Yet, what do I find myself doing everyday? Stressing over something that I forgot to do, or have to prepare for. I don’t understand it. It seems like no matter what I tend to do with my life I still end up completing everything I don’t want to do.

For some reason, I feel like this isn’t the only time writing this, but I still think its true. and its pissing me off.

I honestly doubt that with time management I could still get all the things I wanted done. Take for example, my math homework. It’s not due until next week Tuesday, but I feel sure with no doubt that its going to take me all week to do it. The funny thing is, that it felt like I only took a little break after work and it was 6 oclock. That just pissed me off!

I honestly don’t understand how anyone can get everything done in one day. Its just not possible….. Help?

Maybe its the fact that my life right now is full of so much drama, I have become distracted to the point I can’t get things done…. I keep telling myself:

Have fun, have fun! Its ok that two of your close friends are leaving you, you have no one to hang out with, and that you absolutely hate the fact that you live in Hilo…. Its ok! Have fun!

Is it natural to hate yourself and the situation your in?

I mean, I’m finally getting paid again, so I feel good about myself that I can support myself again. Yet, I cannot help but think that there is more to working then the job I’m in…..

Not to mention the fact that I feel totally isolated from my family, and I feel like I don’t fit in anymore. Like everyone has their own little boat floating, and I’m stuck treading water in an ocean I cannot see the end of.

Then there’s my friends. I mean, I have some at the University but with most of my close friends leaving or not around I feel left out. Yes, I can make new friends and such but its not the same…. I mean, you grow up with people over the 13 years. It makes me feel kinda strange not being with close friends while taking a new step in life.

Right now, I feel really really alone.